|No Exit |
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the closet, one is the bathroom, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
|Redneck in a big city |
A redneck, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotels clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired the farmer in redneck, "when am I going to get time to see the city?"
"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two."No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked."Yeah! That's a good idea", the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."
|Redneck in hotel |
A redneck checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?" The desk clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?" The redneck says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift," he said. "No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator." "Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts". "Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator." "Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language."
|Traveler's wife |
A traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait while he disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his arm. "Fancy meeting my wife here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the night." Next morning, he comes to settle his bill, and finds the amount to be over $3000. "What's the meaning of this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here one night!" "Yes," says the clerk, "but your wife has been here for three weeks."
|Everything is big in Texas |
There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"
- If you have sex in the pool, use protection.
- Do not stick anything in the jet, especially you dick. Mike will explain.
- Pool hours 10 am - 12 am.
- Always shower before entering the pool.
- Menstruation cycles have been known to attract sharks, so don't jeopardize innocent swimmers.
- Men - no banana hammocks.
- Women - clothing optional.
- Please shower and pee before entering the pool.
- No diving from the second floor or roof, unless you are offended by any of this.
- Never thought a pool could be so cool!
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